The Lost Women

They left me. I should have known. Why did I trust them? I should have just jumped off the roof two months ago. But they promised me that they won’t ever leave me again. However once again, I blindly trusted them. I had put up this quote on my wall stating ‘trust is like a piece of crumbled paper, once its crumbled, it cant be perfect again’. Even after reading it every night, managing a few hours of sleep, I told myself, I wouldn’t trust them even if the sky is falling but when told me that they love me, the word ‘love’ itself carries a lot of weight and I felt like I was on cloud nine therefore, I climbed down the platform and jumped into their open arms, tears rolling down my cheeks repeatedly, and my friends asking for forgiveness.

 Well, right now, I’m lying down in a pile of dead autumn leaves, which are crunching beneath me, like my body, rotting right now in the hours of darkness. I weakly glare at the grey and shady sky, the dark clouds, swollen with unrest, yearning for liberation like a bird locked up in a cage. It had started raining heavily a long time ago, my body drenched in water, my mind Crammed with nothing else but death, as it’s slowly rising upon me. My arms shivering, eyes swollen because I had to shed too many tears. Once again, I reminisce upon the times I spent with people who I thought were my friends, who are no other than liars, who I treasured with the bottom of my heart but they thought I was crazy. I didn’t know why they used to call me crazy until one day, the school bully; Marinda blundered up to me and threw those harsh words as they were crushed pieces of rocks. At that time, I realized how much I mean to people. They loathe me because I’m a follower. I follow them around all the time and they hate me for my guts. They don’t know the reason behind why I do it. That’s because I fear loneliness. Leave me alone for twenty minutes and you’ll find me dead either because I jumped of the window or I gouged a knife through my chest and there could be many other possibilities. That is why need someone to stay with me the whole time. However, no one in this whole universe likes me. What is that, I don’t have that Marinda has? Everybody likes her; they run after her like she is a god but they run away from me as if I’m a banshee. To be honest, everyone is going to be alone at the end of the day so I don’t feel that sad when I think of it in that way. But, my heart does ache, when I think about how I came here. Apparently, I was asleep in my hostel when suddenly a fine chill traveled down my spine and I found myself into my friend’s arms. I blink twice before I realized where I was. The trees all naked and the sky all gloomy. The cold atmosphere and the uneven ground helped me recognized the location. I came here once with my dad. He left his dog here because he was about to die. It’s a three hours drive from home. 

“You don’t deserve to live you maniac women. You should just rot away. You are nobody. People loathe you including us. You’re a follower. you ruined Marinda’s reputation by following her around. Now you’ll know what it means to follow ‘us’ around. Go to hell!”

And that’s when I was dropped to the ground and my back hits it so hard and the pain that traveled down my body was like a wave of electricity. I whined in pain, and blood deliberately spilled on the ground.

This is it. This is the end. I feel like my dog, who was about to die and my dad had brought him here. I never imagined the same rules would be applied on me as well. I wish I could fence up the last breath and inhale it over and over again so that I won’t have to see the sky the last time. Bye… friends.