The Journey Through Your Eyes

Chapter 1

Our eyes were like the blinding sun and the shimmering moon. He was the rising the sun and I was the moonlight in the darkness. Or perhaps I was the darkness until our eyes met and my whole world reversed. The darkness within me began to disappear, the hell burning inside me turned to ashes, the demons crawling inside me vanished into thin air because the hell within me began to shine like the stars and the demons became the angels I always wanted to be. It was a thunder between us; electricity began to spark, recharging the current that flows through my body. Our whole world collided as the sun began to disappear, its glow began to fade and a thunder appeared …. It was him. Numb I was in the middle of a field, my clothes drenched in rain, the dark clouds unveiling curtains of rain which pelted down from the sky, blurring my sight with translucent torrent. The fluent wind hauling furiously as my parched lips are now impossibly wet. He changed me. He made me someone it was impossible to become. He made me happy.

Chapter 2

You are the music that is burning within me. You are the music that flows within me, you are the melody my heart beats to…perhaps I wish to be the ocean you drown in, the ocean that has filled my emptiness… the ocean which was once a vacant, dry, desolate surface is now a current of purity. Your voice, a soothing whisper to my soul, words my ears are longing to hear, a sound that makes my heart pound louder with every word you pour out, as if my heart is a drumroll against my ribs. Every movement and every action of your body makes me want to be buried inside the soul of yours. Your tears; toxin to my smile, your eyes; the illuminations in my world and your words; the medicine to calm the deplorable soul of mine.

Chapter 3

Very soon, the trees are going to wither and then cultivate the leaves again and then are to be veiled with snow and then we will part ways soon and until then, let me be your strength and your darkest fear. Let me be the dying soul that wishes to leave only for your happiness. Let me the only one that puts a smile on to your face. Let me be the last one that swells tears in your eyes. Let me be the healing of your wounds. Let me be the sweetness on your tongue and never the bitterness of your words. Let me live this life filled with your love and may god punish me for my sins when you are gone… so you won’t be able to witness the immortalities I’ve carried out in this life of mine. Let him be the happiest of all in this world and in return acquire my soul but I beg of you to never let that laughter of his turn into an upside down moon. Never let his best days become the worst of his because of the debaucheries I’ve done. Let him have all the happiness he deserves.  I beg of you to let him find the one who truly loves him (after my existence is not needed) and is a better replacement then the likes of me, who is worth his sacrifices and his words. May he get the love he deserves.

Chapter 4

All i asked for was those eyes to gaze upon me each and every second the time flies by perhaps I was a demon after all as he averted his eyes to an angel and a bullet gushed straight to me stopped my heart from  beating. The music within me stopped playing, the sweet melody was sour after all. Our love ended up being a dying rose as well. A love that bloomed into a hollow sea. I poured all my heart into his eyes, my feelings were engraved in his soul and now I ask myself why do I feel so empty? Perhaps that’s why people like me end up destroying themselves so no one else can destroy them. I thought that I was finally free, I was released from the imprisonment yet that I deserve but it turns out that darkness, my oldest friend yet my worst enemy was behind me all this time. Lurking in the shadows, waiting for an opportunity to arise which didn’t take long so here I am. The loneliness never left me. It was walking beside me yet I came to ignore it but for how long did that last? Not long. Once again, the fire within me has ignited and the hell that was once ashes now seems like a dream, the angelic creatures are once more the demons screaming in pain. I let all this bury inside me because I rather the pain destroy me than anyone else. The change in him became the worse of me. It deteriorated my world wholly. I’m like the sky taken for granted. Happiness will make him smile at me but agony will make him curse at me. We never spoke a word to each other yet it felt like an eternity since you were mine and I was yours. My mind kept on repeatedly yelling at me to stop before it hurts but I was ready to be hurt by him. Perhaps I should have let my mind do his work because my heart is once again broken into tiny shards of glass which are unable to be glued together and though I saw it  coming, it still hurts.

 The shine in my eyes were because of his beautiful gaze I yearn for as every breath i consume. The smile on my face was due to the sound of his laughter. The peace in my soul was because of every expression he formed which melted my heart. He is still the melody I sing every day. I wonder if I am the melody he hums every day.

Chapter 5

The day we choose our own paths, the day when we take off on our own journey, the day of parting has finally come. Well, it doesn’t matter anymore because the path I chose is different from what every one chooses to be. Let me dive into those eyes once more… let me drink the coldness in your eyes so they become soft, let me at least be your favorite good bye if I’m not the rising sun anymore. Turns out I never was to begin with. We will forever remain strangers with memories existing in another dimension. I will forever be a stranger to you but you will always be the first and the last one I locked my eyes with. May you hear the sound of my heart that only beats for you, may you hear the melody I sing only for you, may you hear the screams of joy my demons let out. Let me be the canvas of your painting once more.

The time has come and it’s time to let go. It’s time for this dream to end which is inside my head. It’s time for me to move on in the world of doubts and disbelief. It’s time for me to let go of the hand and dive right into the ocean into its depth, into its darkest secrets, into the memories of us that weren’t real. I want him to know about my world because he is my world. Each and everything has some parts of him yet some words are better off without spoken. The delusions inside me will remain with me until the soul of mine is buried. I will take these memories with me to the land of dreams as well. It turns out some dreams do not come true because no matter how much we change, or how much we struggle for it, some dreams remain dreams because they were just meant to be dreamt, to give us hope, to lighten our thoughts, so that our world begins to gleam again but it turns out that all the glow has been stone-washed permanently. It was false hope that was given for us to continue our existence but it turns out that all they left us was scars engraved deep within our souls, scars which are unable to be erased, scars that remind us of who we are frail, week, feeble and solitary souls without dreams, souls that are never to receive gayness. We are meant to be alone. We are …just… we.